Tags
Christianity, Conservatism, Faith, Fear, Homeschooling, Reflection
…it has the problems just like every other form of schooling does! That’s the big secret, people. There’s nothing special about it that creates genius kids. Certain people are attracted to it, which may cause a larger-than-average group of successful kids to emerge. The kids who tend to do better are the ones who have highly intelligent, driven, organized (a BIGGIE!!!) parents who are homeschooling for the purpose of providing a top-notch (but less expensive) education. (That describes my mom).
I just wanted to throw that out there, but my focus is actually to write a response post, as my friend here requested.
I’ve seen this article a couple of times (look here and here), and I am hoping it is the beginning of a change. The writer of this article seems to be a little surprised that many of the kids who grew up in the homeschooling community didn’t assume their parents’ values once they grew up. If you’ve read the longer article, he holds a fairly fundamentalist viewpoint on raising children, and it comes as no surprise that these kids are leaving their homes and trying to forge a new life for themselves. That is part of the American Dream, and not everything they are doing is wrong.
He starts with many good points, but he undermines himself when he talks about sheltering (longer article). (Don’t worry. I’m not going to talk about sheltering! Most of you know my slightly more liberal opinion on it, and I know that a lot of my readers’ opinions vary on this issue). This guy misses the point when he says that there is a problem with kids who are too sheltered; he then starts to make excuses for all of the radical sheltering he did.
A common theme I’ve seen has been a push on non-essential issues. He brings up the example of his son wanting colored hair and a tattoo. I’ve seen other more trivial issues pushed (for the sake of others’ privacy, I won’t share what they were…they are distinctive enough that it would be mean to share them. Let’s just say they were pretty appalling.), and important values have not been imparted. I’m sure most people do this to some degree, and I’m not saying everyone should let their 15 year-old have a tattoo.
I do think that emphasizing non-essential issues consistently is a significant weakness for homeschoolers; Bible-reading and character qualities aren’t pushed for as much as issues like courtship, vaccinations, and movie choices, to name a few. There is a marked emphasis on avoiding things that are negative rather than on striving for the positive things. It leads to a lot of frustrated, unhappy, good kids who don’t feel like they can get approval from their parents. I honestly try not to pay too much attention to it anymore, because it’s really depressing to watch kids get hurt like this, especially when they are sweet, well-behaved kids. It’s not a form of injustice that I can really do anything about.
This guy starts out pretty strong with some of his points (judging, emphasis on the outward form, family as an idol–lots of this is in the longer article), but he strays really far from it at the end when he says, “ If we have their hearts they will seek to honor us whether we are present or not, and their hearts will remain open to our influence.” (Keep in mind that he is not just referring to young children…he fully intends on trying to get his older children to adopt these values.) The focus of your life shouldn’t be spent on trying to conform to your family’s value system, although that’s not to say that everything your family believes is wrong or that there aren’t good things you can take away from them.
The whole reason these people (49% of homeschoolers, according to HSLDA) homeschool is for religious reasons, and we are to spend our life thinking about how we can honor the Lord, not honoring our family by adopting their value system (and believe me when I say, these value systems are specific!) This guy is starting to see some of the blind spots, but I don’t think he goes far enough or really sees the damage of having the family as an idol or over-sheltering. I also don’t get the impression from this article that he really understands the danger that can happen when non-essential issues are pushed. (I may actually blog about that specific issue…)
I am not even going to bother to talk about what Jesus would say about this, because most of you who read your Bibles already know what He would say… And let’s just say that it would be a heck of a lot more inflammatory than some of the stuff I’ve said. I will leave you with one of my FAVORITE verses ever, Matthew 23:23.
Woe to you, teachers of the law and Pharisees, you hypocrites! You give a tenth of your spices—mint, dill and cumin. But you have neglected the more important matters of the law—justice, mercy and faithfulness. You should have practiced the latter, without neglecting the former.
PS. I didn’t do a blog post yesterday because I slept in before work, then fell asleep when I was done…But I will not prioritize sleeping over writing! No more.
Antigone's Clamor 
I found your post intelligent and well written.
“many of the kids who grew up in the homeschooling community didn’t assume their parents’ values once they grew up”
I found it interesting that this is an issue. How many kids educated outside of the home assume their parents’ values. Isn’t the point to raise our child to be self-determining? Is that not the foundation of free will. Home schooling is education, not brainwashing.
Just saying.
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I think you know my thoughts on the manner (“Courage to be “wrong” was taken mainly from Christian Homeschool examples) and I love this. I think that stressing such shallow conformity can be such a stumbling block to developing real virtue and even a better education. A lot of the science I can remember from middle school and high school were more about creationism, catastrophism, anti-evolution arguments, and Christian connections to science. Didn’t feel very prepared for college science when I got to it
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Miss Demure Restraint-Thank you!! It’s primarily based on observations I’ve made in the DFW area and in the South. I don’t know what homeschooling is like up North, East, or West. Surprisingly, it’s a large issue to many parents. I’ve seen many disraught parents who wanted their children to take on specific value systems…down to discipline systems for their own children, modest clothing, and natural health, which are really matters of opinion! General morality wasn’t emphasized as much as specifics were. I actually remember being criticized at one point for taking too much advil, like it was a character flaw. (I had taken two). Some of the things that go on are downright strange! Why not pass on good values, like helping the needy or being kind to the lonely kid in the corner? That’s my thought, anyway.
To Make Common-I like how you use the term “shallow conformity”. I agree that it was a stumbling block to many. I found it to be a struggle. Even though home life was never like that, I certainly felt torn because so many around me had these expectations from the kids their own kids hung out with! I wasn’t a bad kid, but I often was made to feel like one—and I had earnest desires to do the right thing and to be honoring to the Lord! It just felt like because I listened to pop music or went to an M.D. I wasn’t as “holy”. When it’s put like that, it sounds awfully silly. I also agree about the college science issue. I was not prepared at all in that area, which was the only true gap I had in my education. Honestly, I’m not even convinced that Young Earth created in a literal seven days is true… There is room in the Bible for an older Earth created over the ages! If God is all-powerful, He could do either just as easily.
Thank you both for your comments!!
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Steering off the main point, In agree with Lara that there is room in the Bible for an older Earth. Personally, I don’t believe in a Young Earth. I know the Bible says it was created in “six days,” but that could very well just be a metaphor for human understanding, like God having hands, or that He is our foundation. God is an omnipresent Being that moves outside of time – seeing as He created it – and that point is even illustrated in 2 Peter 3:8 – “But, beloved, be not ignorant of this one thing, that one day is with the Lord as a thousand years, and a thousand years as one day.” Ergo, it is entirely possible that “ages” occured, where the firmament or the animals were created.
Another old Earth argument (that I rather like too) is that, just as God created a mature man, He created a mature Earth. That means fossils and all that jazz could have already been in there from the start. Adam 20-40 years old from the start, who’s to say that the Earth wasn’t millions of years old to begin with either?
Just some food for thoght. ;P
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What you’re describing is the exact thing that is going on in my own family right now. It has been happening forever, and all of my siblings are disgusted with it. They know that my parents’ paying lip-service to watching particular movies or whatever is all because of performance. It’s all show, and then when they go to college or live on their own my parents then have to say there’s something evil about the outside world that corrupted their children because they can’t admit that they were so concerned about performance that they ignored matters of character and the heart. Homeschooling is not shield against non-conformity, and that’s the truth. Little kids can understand it better than a lot of adults can. Ironic, huh?
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Wow, I’m sorry to hear that! It makes me sad when homeschooling is a bad thing, because it doesn’t have to be that way. Thankfully, my homeschooling experience was NOT like that. I just had to watch it happen to many others. It’s hard on kids when liking anything remotely normal is termed “rebellion”. While I don’t think rebellion is okay, it’s also not okay to trifle in matters of mint, dill, and cumin, you know?
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You make a great distinction here between forming the character of children and the way they learn to live and love their faith and the non-essentials. Very well spoken. I think the fact that my parents (who did homeschool on and off) were far more committed to teaching the faith than forming the kids in their own image regarding “non-essentials” is a huge part of why all nine of their children are happily and deeply practicing Catholics today. Now, as for the math thing, that’s another story.,.. -kate
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Thank you very much! My faith (and my siblings’ faith), too, is intact, and I think that is a direct result of my education being separate from my religious schooling.
It sounds like your parents did an excellent job. When you weren’t homeschooling, were you in public or private education? In your eyes, how did that compare to homeschooling?
Ah, well, now that I have my degree, my math skills are quite pitiful, as I’ve attempted to forget as much as possible. 😉
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