(This is yesterday’s post–I didn’t have access to wifi. Sorry!! I’ll double up tomorrow…Because I’ve been traveling, I’ve had lots of time to read, and lots of ideas are bouncing around in my head!)
The Angels and Airwaves song “Sirens” has gotten me thinking lately, only because I frequently listened to the song three years ago. The kind of person I was three years ago wasn’t any less messy than the person I am now. I still feel like a wrecked car, dragging itself along on the road, just waiting for a break. But I do feel differently in some ways than I did before.
I’ve learned a lot about confidence, and how any confidence I might have in my abilities is misplaced. Because sometimes, no matter how capable I might be or no matter how hard I might try, what I want might not happen. So now, I am confident that things will work out the way they need to, although the road might be bumpy.
I’ve also learned to be confident about myself. Eleanor Roosevelt said, “No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.” I’ve had to learn to not give my consent. Well, I still do a lot of the time, but at least now I can put up a good fight.
I’ve learned that it is worth it to plod forward, with no end or relief in sight. It’s only yesterday that I got any sign of relief…in three years. All this time, I’ve wanted to give up and take the easy road. I couldn’t tell you what stopped me from doing so. “Though one candle, or many, might flicker and die, new candles would be lit from the old. Thus, hope’s flam always burns, lighting the darkness until the coming of day.” Sometimes you just have to light your own candle, because hope is an action.
I’ve learned when to throw the towel in, because there are such things as lost causes. Christopher Paul Curtis said:
There comes a time when you’re losing a fight that it just doesn’t make sense to keep on fighting. It’s not that you’re a quitter; it’s just that you’ve got the sense to know when enough is enough.
I’m glad that I kept going, because a whole lot of things make sense now.