It’s that quiet time at night, where nearly everyone is still, but my mind is neither quiet nor still. I have a feeling it’s going to be awhile before I become disciplined again and learn to focus my thoughts. Let me give you flashes of the time that’s gone by, and you can glean what you will.
I found myself becoming “the worst version of myself” and sought to change things.
I’ve tried new things, some successes and some failures.
I’ve already completed more off my New Year’s Resolutions list to date than I have any other year.
I found out I had a new disease just before the old one was treated (successfully, after eleven years).
I made more new friends than I thought I could, and much quicker than I ever have.
I’ve moved twice, and once on my own. (And when I did, I realized 75% of my belongings are books and that I could put another 10% in storage and not miss it a bit).
I’ve had enough people make me cry that now only ones I care about can make me cry.
I walked a trail just one year and two days after my procedure…something I thought I’d never be able to do again.
I’ve stayed up for more than 40 hours straight and loved every minute of it.
I wrote a book (it’s not very good, and I’ll probably scrap it. I just needed to finish something).
I’ve learned when it’s time to say no and hold ground and also when it’s time to concede. In spite of all the changes, new experiences, disappointments, and growth (I hope), I’m still the same person and glad of it. This quote from Alice in Wonderland sums up how I feel about things:
“Would you tell me, please, which way I ought to go from here?”
“That depends a good deal on where you want to get to.”
“I don’t much care where –”
“Then it doesn’t matter which way you go.”
This is all not specific enough to satisfy anyone, I’m sure, but I think a few tidbits after a long hiatus were called for.