***Sword of Truth SPOILERS…don’t read the quote if you haven’t read The Pillars of Creation…Timothy, that is for you :)***
As a hysterical 13 year old, I remember telling my mom, “But how can I be myself when I don’t even know what myself is?!” Thus began a series of adolescent identity crises. Some kids don’t appear to care, or struggle, with who they are, and some hide it. Others, like me, just lay it all out there, ugly and all, for the world to see.
Sarah Dessen’s book What Happened to Goodbye talks about a girl who, in an effort to cope with her parents’ divorce, tries on personalities like clothes each time they move. She reaches a point of tension when she moves to her town and is surrounded by people who won’t let her be anyone but herself.
Because I was insecure as a teenager, I found myself trying on different personalities, much like McLain. My eclectic wardrobe reflects the styles I played around with. Trying different things out gave me a confidence that I hadn’t gained internally.
Most people look for a place to belong, and that is primarily why I think people sacrifice their personality. They find people they like or look up to and make these unconscious, subtle compromises in the name of “fitting in”. While it may earn them a place in the crowd they’ve desired to be in, it doesn’t earn them any respect. Who wouldn’t rather have respect from a distance than attention from up close?
Okay, so maybe that was a stupid question. Everybody loves attention. In the long run, though, it wears you out and dries you up. Once I got to the point where I felt like I could “be myself”, with a decent grasp on what that was, it was received surprisingly well. Nice people have a sense for authenticity.
I’ve learned to be bold but maintain politeness. It’s a challenging tightrope to walk. At times, I wonder if I was ever myself during my adolescent years. Perhaps not, but I don’t think I’d take back any of the lessons I’ve learned. Like Terry Goodkind says,
Life is the future, not the past. The past can teach us, through experience, how to accomplish things in the future, comfort us with cherished memories, and provide the foundation of what has already been accomplished. But only the future holds life. To live in the past is to embrace what is dead. To live life to its fullest, each day must be created anew.
Antigone's Clamor 
Antigone, thank you so much for “liking” my post on dreaming about Advent. As I read some of your sentences in this post a second time, I suspected that each of the “other” personalities you “tried on” in adolescence somehow contained little sparks of your true self, the self you were born to be. Stitch together these little sparks and you will have a shining, triumphant “you”!
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You’re very welcome! I printed it out, and I keep it in my favorite Advent book now (“The Meaning is in the Waiting” by Paula Gooder).
I think you’re quite right, as I’ve retained aspects of all of them. Thank you for the encouragement, and thank you for stopping by to comment!
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Wonderful post! I agree, I find I can never really regret the past, because it has taught me so much.
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It’s good to make peace with the past, because it’s not like we can really change it. 😛 Thanks for commenting!
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The writing helps us sort ourselves out, doesn’t it? Sometimes we don’t know what we want to say until we start writing; then in our writing we find our true voice. It’s great that you are finding that voice.
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I so agree. Writing is how us writers make sense of the world, just like musicians see music in otherwise ordinary objects and events. Thank you for coming over and commenting!
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I think I’ve been an awful lot of people in my life. I know I’m not the same person today that I was 10, 20, 30 years ago, but I have always tried to be true to who and what I was at the moment. Time has a habit of changing who we are as does experience.
Gosh, it sure would be nice to feel secure about who and what I am, but I’m afraid the second I felt that way something would happen to change me and I’d have to start all over. I don’t know maybe I just haven’t truly “found” myself yet.
I enjoyed your post and it certainly did make me think. Making the reader think is a definite sign of a good writer.
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I think I remember us talking about this before. Didn’t you tell me you don’t have to settle on one thing and stay that way? Or that our choices now don’t define us forever? That was a fair number of posts ago.
Well, I think you who are is delightful! I’ve enjoyed hearing your thoughts and reflections about life and listening to your humor.
Thank you very much, Miss D! Good to see you around again.
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Personality disorder . . . that’s my excuse. I hope I’m at least fairly consistent. I’m not supposed to let anyone know about the voices in my head. Just kidding.
I do have a hard time staying the same. I’m not sure if that’s good or bad.
Thanks for putting up with my scatter-brain.
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😉 Who’s to say if it’s good or bad? At least it’s exciting! You’ll never cease to surprise people. 🙂
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I love the thought that ‘nice people have a sense of authenticity’.
A lovely post, that let me draw breath and think ‘yes, that is it exactly.’
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Kimberly, glad you liked it! I think it’s true, though. They can instinctively tell whether or not you’re being yourself. Thanks for stopping by to comment!
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I tried on personalities a lot! I started as soon as I realized other people were judging me which was pretty young, maybe 11? I went through it for a few years. I didn’t feel like I was sacrificing myself as much as just not wanting to become my parents. I never noticed other kids doing it at the time, but now, watching younger people I can see it’s really common in both girls and boys.
It presents an interesting challenge as a writer when you want to portray characters in their teens. How do you make them “compromise” and still maintain separate identities?
Anyway, interesting post!
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That first bout of awareness that comes on at that age is difficult! On the one hand, you want to feel comfortable being yourself, but you also want others to like you. Those two don’t always work well together, or at least, it seems that way at first. 🙂
Thank you for stopping by and sharing your insight and experiences! It’s fun to hear other people’s perspectives.
Good point on writing. Most of my main characters are in their teens or early twenties. I’ll have to give that some more thought.
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